Here I am, sitting in a house laden with objects deemed to represent "evil" and "darkness". Who would have thought evil would have become such a cliche'? I spent most of my day inside, having left only once to obtain nourishment manifested in the form of an authentic Mexican-American burrito from the frequented and famed "Super Cucas". I packed my belongings and watched four films, all of them dating no later than 1991. During the length of this day by myself, I had the opportunity to search the cavities of my mind and reflect on the past four months of life. It's been an interesting journey to say the least and I'm now extremely burdened with my hasty decision to alter my living situation.
You see, I have been living with Atheists here in Santa Barbara, explaining why things have been less than typical for me recently. Now I think there needs to be clarification on the subject of atheism, because there are many different types of atheists. There are the typical "don't know, don't care" atheists (or agnostics), or you have the "God does not exist, I'm certain of that" atheists, and finally there are the "God doesn't exist, religion is a disease, and the human race needs to rid itself of this abomination" atheists. My roommates fall into the third of those categories and have chosen favorite phrases such as or similar too "Fuck God, Fuck Christians, and Fuck Religion all together". Surprisingly enough though, living with these harsh-minded individuals hasn't been too much trouble. I moved in somewhat concerned about confrontation on the subject of my faith, and was pleasantly surprised to experience little, to no disputes over the issue. I lived for about three months with these people having only to deal with the occasional playful pun at my beliefs, and was able to partake in some very pleasant, and productive conversations on the topic of religion and my approach to it. I felt that we, together, had built an ideal microcosmic illustration of religious tolerance, in all but extenuating circumstances.
Things quickly shifted in this last month, with my announcement that I'd be spending my summer working at a Christian camp, and with the advent of several events I attended in preparation for this summer. My roommates suddenly changed their attitudes towards my beliefs and became more hostile. The playful jokes turned less friendly and more frequent. I have been constantly teased and criticized for believing in a God, much less the God of Abraham. I've endured efforts of attack on my religious principals, and have experienced attempts to turn new and old friends sour towards me for being "just a shitty Christian". Needless to say, I am extremely discouraged. I was under the impression that I had built something beautiful with my roommates, only to recently have that veil torn from my face. I still love these guys, but it's hard not to hold bitter feelings towards them, or at least towards their actions. I don't feel comfortable confronting them about how the way they act affects me, and I think it should be obvious enough to them that their treatment bothers me.
Originally, I had planned to move back in with these people when my summer away was over, but now, I've decided that living somewhere else will be better for me. Frankly, I don't feel welcome in that house anymore, and I'm sure that if I did move back in with them, that I would be far from comfortable. So, now, I am (shamefully) moving my belongings back to my families home in Orange County, something I had hoped not to do since my departure from the "nest". I'll spend the summer on the Delta, and undoubtedly will be encouraged by my experiences there. When I return, I will hopefully only have to briefly live with my parents before finding a new place to call my home(not that I don't enjoy spending time with them).
This whole situation has been very abrupt, and undoubtedly unexpected. I am unhappy about the turn of events, and the poor timing in which this happened, but I am simultaneously enthusiastic about the events which have yet to come. I cannot wait to see where I end up, and what my journey getting there looks like.
I'll leave you with this scripture, which has been extensively poignant in giving me peace.
Matthew 6:25-34
"...Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."
goodnight.
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